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"Notorious for its oversized portions and dollarfifty hot dog combo, Costco is the apex of consumerism," reads a 2016 college essay that won a high-school senior admission into five Ivy-league colleges.
Now, three years later, those words still accurately express what Costco means to many American consumers.
Its philosophy of selling bulk for value allows it to offer large quantities of quality merchandise for prices that keep customers coming back. Yes, size does matter at Costco - but so does value.
I snooped around a New York Costco in search of supersized products that embody the soul of America's favorite warehouse store. Here's what I found:
3,000 FEET OF PLASTIC WRAP: You could cover your entire house with this much plastic food wrap. But, you should probably consider the environment and use plastic sparingly. My mom bought one of these back in 2006, and it's still going strong.
FIVE POUNDS OF LEMONADE MIX: Summer is nearly here, which means that the streets will soon be filled with young entrepreneurs hawking lemonade from folding tables. This can of Country Time Lemonade mix will probably last the entire summer — and the next.
FIVE POUNDS OF COCONUT OIL: Coconut oil is delicious on toast and great for your skin. With this much of it, you could cover a whole bakery for days or enjoy silky-smooth skin for the rest of your life.
GIANT KING CRAB LEGS: King crab legs are high-cost but low-calorie, meaning you can have this royal with cheese sauce. Or stick to butter — you'll need a stick of it.
WHOLE HAM: How are you going to finish a whole ham before it goes bad? Unless you have an army of sandwich-eating children, you might have to get creative with this one.
THREE-POUND SALAMI: This cooked salami is comically large and another good reason to summon that army of sandwich-eating children.
15-POUND PORK SHOULDER: This pork shoulder definitely wouldn't fit in my oven. At least the solution for this one is simple: slice and dice, then freeze.
12-POUND BEEF ROUND TIP: This beefy beast has me wondering whether the average Costco shopper just has an industrial-size oven at home.
WHOLE LAMB: This one actually makes sense. It's Ramadan, which means that Muslim shoppers who are unable to slaughter a sheep at home can buy the next-best thing: a whole, pre-skinned halal lamb from New Zealand.
WHOLE DUCK: These ducks are enormous.
10-POUND "AMERICA" CAKE: This is America in a cake: 10 pounds of sugar and artificial food coloring that you definitely should share with family or friends but will probably end up eating all by yourself.
THREE-POUND BANANA BREAD: After you polish off the "America" cake, you can have banana bread for dessert. Again, sharing is recommended.
FOUR-POUND JAR OF ANIMAL CRACKERS: Lemonade entrepreneurs have the opportunity to set themselves apart from the competition by offering free animal crackers with each cup, kind of like the Biscoff cookies that they give out on planes.
10 POUNDS OF MICROWAVE POPCORN: This is enough movie theater butter popcorn to feed an entire movie theater.
FIVE-POUND BAG OF PEANUTS: This supersized sack of nuts is definitely not meant to be eaten all at once.
THREE-POUND JAR OF PEANUT M&M'S: But these definitely are. Right?
GIANT TUB OF CHEESE BALLS: The ideal use for this two-pound tub of orange cheese balls is sitting on one's couch in stained sweatpants, watching "Friends" reruns, and eating a cheese ball every time Ross or Rachel says the other's name. Alternate uses include summertime cheese ball fights with friends.
THREE-POUND JAR OF PEANUT BUTTER PRETZELS: For instructions on how to use this hulking jar of peanut butter pretzels, please see above.
MEGA-SIZE DORITOS BAG: This oversized bag of Doritos could be portioned into smaller bags and brought to picnics and potlucks throughout the summer. Alternately, young capitalists-in-training can also sell grab-bags of salty Doritos to boost lemonade sales.
6.6-POUND CAN OF TOMATO SAUCE: You'll need this much tomato sauce to go with that one really big meatball you made with the leftover beef round tip.
10-POUND BAG OF ORGANIC CARROTS: As always, we at Business Insider encourage responsible consumption. Therefore, we'd like to draw your attention to this 10-pound bag of fresh organic carrots, which is a much healthier alternative to pretty much everything else on this list.
