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<keyword id="20114810" type="General" weightage="20" keywordseo="West-Bengal-chief-minister" source="keywords">West Bengal Chief Minister</keyword> <keyword id="19909056" type="General" weightage="20" keywordseo="Mamata-Banerjee" source="keywords">Mamata Banerjee</keyword> has written another letter to <keyword id="19898052" type="General" weightage="20" keywordseo="Prime-Minister-Narendra-Modi" source="keywords">Prime Minister Narendra Modi</keyword>, expressing concern over the lack of response to her previous communication regarding the rape and murder of a PG <keyword id="22760814" type="General" weightage="20" keywordseo="trainee-doctor" source="keywords">trainee doctor</keyword>. In her letter, dated August 30, Banerjee emphasised the gravity of the situation and urged for prompt central intervention, highlighting the inadequacy of the reply received from the Union Minister of <keyword id="20086338" type="General" weightage="20" keywordseo="Women-and-Child-Development" source="keywords">Women and Child Development</keyword>. The letter reads, "No reply was received from your end on such a sensitive issue. However, a reply has been received from the Minister of Women and Child Development, Government of India (vide their No. 1/RESC/HMWCD/2024 dated 25th August 2024), which barely addresses the gravity of the issue raised in my letter. I am of the view that the seriousness of the subject and its relevance to society have not been adequately appreciated in this generic reply." The letter was posted on her social media handle, X. In response to Union Minister Annapurna Devi's allegations regarding the state government's failure to implement essential safety measures for women and children, including Fast Track Special Courts (FTSCs), CM Mamata stated that the state government has approved 10 exclusive POCSO FTSCs, while 88 FTSCs and 62 POCSO-designated Courts are functioning with complete state funding. The letter mentioned, "Moreover, I would also refer to some of the initiatives in this area that our State has already undertaken, which appear to have been overlooked in the reply. Regarding Fast Track Special Courts (FTSCs), 10 exclusive POCSO Courts have been approved by the State Government. In addition to this, 88 FTSCs and 62 POCSO-designated Courts are functioning throughout the State with complete State funding. Monitoring and disposal of cases are entirely in the hands of the Courts." Highlighting the issue of appointing Presiding Officers in FTSCs, she further stated that this process requires examination and action from the Government of India, which, according to her, needs PM Modi's intervention. "As per Central Government guidelines, only retired Judicial Officers can be posted as Presiding Officers in FTSCs, but the Hon'ble High Court has observed that, in view of the severity of the cases, permanent Judicial Officers need to be appointed. This requires examination at the level of the Government of India and appropriate action thereafter, for which your intervention would be necessary. Moreover, Helpline Nos. 112 and 1098 are functioning satisfactorily in the State. Additionally, Dial 100 is also extensively used in emergency situations," the letter added. Urging for central <keyword id="20082569" type="General" weightage="20" keywordseo="legislation" source="keywords">legislation</keyword> and exemplary punishment for heinous crimes, the West Bengal CM expressed hope for very considered attention from PM Modi. Mamata Banerjee mentioned in her letter, "I would reiterate and earnestly request that a stringent Central legislation and exemplary punishment for heinous crimes of rape/rape and murder be considered, with a mandatory provision for the disposal of cases within a specific timeframe by the trial authorities. I hope this matter would receive very considered attention at your kind end in the interest of our society at large." On August 26, Union Women and Child Development Minister Annapurna Devi criticised the West Bengal government for its failure to implement essential safety measures for women and children in the state. In a letter written to West Bengal CM Mamata Banerjee, the Union Minister stated that 123 Fast Track Special Courts (FTSCs) were allocated to the state, but none of them are functional yet. Earlier, on August 22, West Bengal CM Mamata Banerjee wrote a letter to Prime Minister Narendra Modi urging the central government to bring in central legislation and set up fast-track courts for "sensitive" issues to ensure a speedy trial. Mamata, in the letter, mentioned that such "sensitive" issues need to be addressed comprehensively through stringent central legislation prescribing exemplary punishment against the perpetrators of such heinous crimes. The Bengal Chief Minister suggested the setting up of "fast-track special courts" to deal with such cases, which require a speedy trial. This development comes after the trainee doctor was found dead in the seminar hall of RG Kar Medical College and Hospital in Kolkata on August 9.

"No reply received, hope this matter receives considered attention": CM Mamata writes to PM Modi again on rape-murder case

In today's digital age, <keyword id="20114750" type="General" weightage="20" keywordseo="screen-time" source="keywords">screen time</keyword> is an integral part of life for people of all ages. However, recent preliminary research published in JAMA Network Open raises concerns about the impact of touch-screen <keyword id="22616884" type="General" weightage="20" keywordseo="tablet-games" source="keywords">tablet games</keyword> on <keyword id="20092400" type="General" weightage="20" keywordseo="toddlers" source="keywords">toddlers</keyword>, suggesting that frequent use may inhibit crucial interactions with their parents! The study highlights that early screen time is associated with delays in communication and problem-solving skills among toddlers. This aligns with a growing concern among parents regarding <keyword id="20083225" type="General" weightage="20" keywordseo="childrens-health" source="keywords">children's health</keyword>, with screen time topping recent polls as a significant issue. <div type="Article" hostid="261" msid="112016000" title="I run a preschool and see how gentle parenting has made parents less engaged with their kids. It&amp;#39;s time to ditch parenting scripts." mstype="2" mssubtype="0"></div>Dimitri A. Christakis, MD, MPH, director of the Center for Child Health, Behavior, and Development at Seattle Children's Research Institute, emphasised the importance of understanding <keyword id="21062651" type="General" weightage="20" keywordseo="digital-addiction" source="keywords">digital addiction</keyword>'s roots. “Compulsive use of screens appears to start in toddlerhood,” Christakis stated, highlighting a gap in current research focused on such young children. The researchers recruited 63 neurotypical toddlers aged 18 to 32 months to observe how they interacted with various stimuli and responded to attention bids from adults. The study involved providing toddlers with a farm toy, a tablet showing a child playing with the farm toy, a tablet with a farm-themed puzzle, a tablet with a farm-themed game, and a tablet with their favourite app. After one minute of exposure to each item, researchers and caregivers alternated attempts to capture the toddlers' attention. At the end, the researcher asked for the toy or tablet back. <h2>Evils of high screen time in children</h2>The findings revealed that toddlers were less responsive to prompts while playing the farm-themed game, which involved activities like shearing sheep. This effect was more pronounced as the children aged, and it was particularly significant among male toddlers, who took longer than female toddlers to acknowledge requests for behaviour changes. Additionally, toddlers with higher media usage at home were more likely to ignore prompts during the study. The study offers insights into the underlying mechanisms of delayed <keyword id="20607306" type="General" weightage="20" keywordseo="language-development" source="keywords">language development</keyword> linked to early screen use. Christakis explained, “early screen use deprives toddlers of opportunities to reciprocally engage with caregivers, which is a critical way children learn language and social skills.” The lack of joint attention during play with traditional toys, which is associated with better language skills, underscores the importance of human back-and-forth interaction for cognitive and social development. <div type="Article" hostid="261" msid="111816796" title="I&amp;#39;m a teacher and a parent. I support banning cellphones in classrooms." mstype="2" mssubtype="0"></div>While the study is preliminary, it sheds light on the need for further research to identify high-risk children and develop interventions promoting healthy screen use in early childhood. Christakis advocates for more comprehensive studies to understand better and mitigate the impact of screen time on young children's development. In conclusion, while touch-screen tablet games offer convenience and entertainment, their use should be balanced with traditional play and <keyword id="22616885" type="General" weightage="20" keywordseo="parent-child-interactions" source="keywords">parent-child interactions</keyword> to support <keyword id="22616886" type="General" weightage="20" keywordseo="healthy-development" source="keywords">healthy development</keyword> in toddlers. As research continues to evolve, it is crucial for parents and caregivers to stay informed and mindful of the potential long-term effects of early screen exposure.

“iPad kids” are less inclined to interact with their parents and show delays in problem-solving: Study

A few years ago, Hallie Parker joined a WhatsApp group of millennial women who call themselves geriatric moms — almost all were close to 40 when they became parents. Half of them had two kids, including Parker, who at 33 was among the youngest. Half had only one kid, with no plans for more. But Parker was the only member in the group who is herself an only child. "If you have questions about only children," she volunteered, "you can ask me."She was flooded with queries. Were you lonely? Did you wish you had siblings? What did your parents do to normalize it?The level of anxiety in Parker's group chat made it clear that only children are still viewed as something of a demographic outlier — and a questionable one at that. Kids without siblings are seen as lonely brats who are moody and bossy and unable to play well with others. Their sense of entitlement draws everyone around them into mayhem: Just look at Harry Potter, Harriet the Spy, and Dennis the Menace. They're untethered and troubled in childhood (Drew Barrymore), in early adulthood (Tiger Woods), and especially in middle age (Elvis, Kanye). As only children become more prevalent, their alleged deficiencies have become generational shorthand: Instead of calling only children selfish, introverted, and lonely, we slap those labels on Gen Zers. No wonder we've never had an only-child president. In surveys, most Americans continue to say that the ideal family has two kids raised by married parents. Almost nobody — not even all of the mothers in Parker's group who have just one kid — aspires to have just one kid.Yet that's exactly what's happening. The only child's time has come.Back in 1978, the National Council on Family Relations published a paper titled "The One-Child Family: A New Life-Style," as if it were introducing a strange countercultural phenomenon. At the time, about 11% of American families had just one kid. By 2015, that number had doubled, to 22%. Big families, meanwhile, have become as rare as only children once were. In the early 1980s, 28% of women had four or more kids. Thirty years later, it was just 10%. Families with one child may be <a target="_blank" href="https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2015/05/08/ideal-size-of-the-american-family/">the least-desired outcome</a> when Americans envision their dream lives, but in reality they're the fastest-growing family configuration in the country.It's not hard to see why sibling-free families are increasingly common. Over the past half-century, the cost of raising a child has increased far faster than the average salary. American women are having kids later in life, leaving less time to bear multiple children. And the bigger-is-better belief about families that fueled the baby boom is now confined mostly to the deeply religious and the dramatically wealthy. In some schoolrooms, it's now more noteworthy among kids to actually have a sibling than to have none.But it's harder to foresee what the rise of the only child means for our future. Will more solo kids lead to a world run by spoiled brats, devoid of empathy and unschooled in the art of collaboration? The experts, surprisingly, say no. As the ranks of only children swell, their personal idiosyncrasies, social skills, and family dynamics could prove to be the very tools we need to thrive in modern life. In an America that is more divided than ever, the only child might just be what brings us back together.No one has done more to give only children a bad rap than Granville Stanley Hall. Once described as a "Victorian Dr. Spock," Hall was America's OG psychologist — the first man to earn a doctorate in the field from Harvard. Employing a method that was more sketchy than scientific, Hall asked college professors to share stories about "peculiar and exceptional children" they had encountered. Simply because only children were mentioned more often than they occur in the general population, and he concluded that they were inherently flawed: sickly, unable to get along with others, with a deluded tendency to create imaginary companions. Being an only child, Hall declared in 1907, "is a disease in itself."In the decades that followed, scores of "experts" relying on equally dubious methods echoed Hall's spurious claims, which seeped into the wider culture. Then, in the 1980s, a social psychologist named Toni Falbo — herself an only child — set out to rigorously test Hall's ideas about her kind. Reviewing 141 studies of personality development in only children, she found that they were virtually indistinguishable from children with siblings, with one notable exception: They scored "significantly better than other groups in achievement motivation and personal adjustment." That's right: They scored better. It's a finding that has been repeated many times since. Only children are not, on the whole, any more shy, entitled, or lonely than their peers with brothers or sisters.On the contrary, surveys have suggested that only children grow up learning to entertain themselves and solve their own problems. They don't mind eating alone. They're adept at forging close friendships that feel like family. Their comfort with being on their own may make them more unwilling to accept unhealthy relationships: One study found that only children were more likely to get divorced than their peers with siblings. And they tend to be academic achievers and highly independent, with high self-esteem. Only kids are more likely than other kids to become <a target="_blank" href="https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2019/08/ceos-childhood-career/596158/">CEOs</a>. Thomas Edison, Jack Welch, Carl Icahn — all onlies. But their success may have more to do with income than inclination. Small families tend to be more educated and wealthier, which gives only children a double advantage: Their parents have more time and money to spend, and fewer kids to spend it on.<div type="image" title="A child wearing a crown as a valedictorian" height="1500" width="2000" msid="115179418" hostid="261" sizebytes="85924"></div>In her group chat, Parker tried to reassure the moms who worried about their only children. She loved being an only, she told them. Even as a child, she knew it provided her with more opportunities. She loved horseback riding, a hobby her parents never would have been able to afford if she had siblings. Her folks made sure she wasn't lonely by always allowing her to bring a friend along with them on vacation. And despite the stereotype that only children are spoiled rotten, Parker was always eager to share her snacks and toys with others. She grew up hearing stories about her mother's difficult pregnancy and so was not one to beg for a sibling.Nothing has accelerated the rise of only children more than delayed childbearing. American women in general are having children later, but the delay is most pronounced among the most educated. In fact, the single largest determinant of how many children a woman will have is her level of education: The more degrees you hold, the older you are when you start to have kids, the fewer kids you have. "It's not just people having kids later — they're starting to think about them later," says Anastasia Berg, a coauthor of "What Are Children For?"That's how it turned out for the women in Parker's group chat. Most of them started out wanting to have more than one kid — but by the time they got around to bearing the cost and physical toll of having their first, they had changed their minds. In a 2021 survey, about a quarter of parents who said they didn't expect to have more children <a target="_blank" href="https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2021/11/19/growing-share-of-childless-adults-in-u-s-dont-expect-to-ever-have-children/">cited financial reasons</a>. During the Great Depression, <a target="_blank" href="https://www.wnycstudios.org/podcasts/takeaway/segments/70453-case-having-only-child">23%</a> of families had just one child; it's no coincidence that the baby boom took place during an unprecedented economic boom.The average cost of raising a child in America from birth to age 18 was <a target="_blank" href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/business/interactive/2022/cost-raising-child-calculator/">$310,000</a> in 2022 — and double that if you factor in four years of full college tuition. What's more, full-time working parents are spending even more time with their children than stay-at-home parents of previous generations did, prompting the surgeon general to issue a warning about their stress levels and mental well-being. If you're already struggling to care for one kid, it's difficult to imagine having a second.But the trend toward fewer children isn't just an American phenomenon. Even in countries like Sweden and France that enjoy subsidized childcare and guaranteed parental leave, fertility rates are falling. "Trends of delay are consistent across the board," Berg says. Even religious conservatives, who are biblically motivated to be fruitful and multiply, are starting families later and more often having only one child.Corinne Lyons is someone who wants a big family. A public-school teacher in her hometown of Detroit, she grew up the only child of two only children. But unlike Parker's, her siblingless childhood wasn't entirely glorious. "I didn't grow up playing with other kids," she says. Her biggest birthday parties involved having cake and ice cream at school. She wants a different experience for her own children, but she feels like she doesn't have much time: She'll be 36 when she marries her fiancé next September."Don't get me wrong," she says. "Being an only child is amazing. It's also hard. I don't want to have to send my child to school for social interactions." Even many only children, it would seem, aren't all that into having only children. But adult onlies are subject to the same trends (like later childbearing) and pressures (ahem, finances) that other Americans are. Lyons accepts that, despite her desires, she might end up having just one.So what will the coming reign of the only child mean for America? For starters, only kids could spur us to build stronger communities and mend our divided social institutions. Without a built-in family of peers at home, only children learn to go out and build their own. Lyons, the public-school teacher, forged an extended family of friends in college, despite being a self-professed introvert. She was initiated into the Alpha Kappa Alpha sorority, and for nearly 20 years she has held her sorority sisters tighter than many people hold their relatives. "These people aren't in my life because they have to be," she says. "They're here because they want to be. I am very intentional in building that bond." Only children could also transform America's business landscape. For starters, fewer kids means fewer heirs to take over family-run companies. In China, where the government's one-child policy created a generation of onlies, studies suggest that business founders with multiple children are significantly more likely to have an heir succeed them than founders with one child. What's more, research has found that only children, like first-born kids, tend to have a lower risk tolerance than younger siblings. China's one-child policy has contributed to a significant drop in the number of entrepreneurs — and only children who do start their own businesses tend to perform worse financially. One Chinese study found that companies run by only children generated revenue that was 30% lower than the revenue of companies run by children with siblings.Onlies are under<a target="_blank" href="https://www.gse.harvard.edu/ideas/ed-magazine/10/05/one-and-only"> intense pressure</a> to succeed professionally in part because of the financial burden they're expected to bear. They may start off life getting all the extra attention and devotion from their parents — but as their parents age, they'll be left alone to return the favor. Without any siblings to help out, only children face the prospect of being the sole caregiver for their parents. Studies suggest they're more likely than adults with siblings to provide direct care for their parents, such as bathing and dressing them, cleaning the house, and paying the bills. "I feel like the whole family rests on me," Parker says.<div type="image" title="A baby in a crown as a CEO" height="1500" width="2000" msid="115179421" hostid="261" sizebytes="100030"></div>In a sense, having an only child effectively defers the costs of care by a generation. It's certainly cheaper to raise just one kid. But once that kid grows up, it's can be more expensive for them to care for two aging parents on one adult salary. And because their parents are likely to be older, many solo children are going to face elder-care questions earlier in their adulthood, while they're still trying to save up for a home or cover the costs of raising their own child. It's one of the few times that only children wind up longing for siblings. "It's true that there's infighting between siblings when a parent dies," says Lyons, who lives with and remains close to her mother. "But at least they can go through that experience together."The one-child family has long been a stand-in for the best hopes and worst outcomes for the human race. In 1968, a Stanford entomologist named Paul Ehrlich and his wife, Anne, self-published a paperback titled "The Population Bomb." The Ehrlichs, who had one child, argued that the troubling headlines of their day — the Vietnam War, for example, or starvation in India — were all rooted in overpopulation. Unless we start having fewer babies, they argued, the planet is destined for famine, environmental degradation, and economic collapse. In 1998, the journalist Bill McKibben floated a similar argument in his book "Maybe One," making an ecological case for smaller families.Fertility rates fell, and the population bomb never went off. These days, it's far more common to hear scaremongering about a population bust. America's most powerful billionaires, religious influencers, and conservative politicians are demanding we all make more babies. As <a target="_blank" href="https://x.com/elonmusk/status/1800318513502167246">Elon Musk</a>, a father of 12, said in June, "It should be considered a national emergency to have kids." Conservative authors publish books with titles like "What to Expect When No One's Expecting: America's Coming Demographic Disaster." Vice President-elect JD Vance issued dire warnings about "childless cat ladies."But as smaller families become the norm, the fears and stereotypes surrounding only children will inevitably subside. Just as having children is no longer seen as a required stage of adulthood, having siblings will no longer be a de facto part of childhood. Rainer Turim was raised in Manhattan as an only child who was immersed in his parents' adult world. "A lot of my friends in the neighborhood were older New Yorkers," says Turim, who's 25 and works in a restaurant. He has no idea how many of his classmates were also only children, because it never occurred to him to wonder about it. To him, it was totally unremarkable to grow up with no siblings.Many of the millions of only children in the US will grow up to care for their parents on their own, build their own bonds of kinship and community, and lead their own companies in new and exciting ways. They'll spend much of their lives alone, as all Americans increasingly do, but they won't be lonely. And maybe, once there are enough of them, they'll no longer be seen as "only." They'll just be "children."Ann Friedman is a writer who lives in Los Angeles. She is the coauthor of "Big Friendship: How We Keep Each Other Close."

The coming reign of the only child

<ul class="summary-list"><li>When I was pregnant, a childcare director recommended I take as much leave as possible. </li><li>I had four months of paid leave and negotiated two more months of unpaid leave. </li></ul>I was expecting my first child, just starting my second trimester, when I received the advice.I was chatting on the phone with a local childcare director, inquiring about infant openings at her center and signing up for the waitlist. She told me to take as much parental leave as I could and that I would never regret doing so. Her advice surprised me since her center offered spaces for infants as young as six weeks. Yet, as we talked, I learned her counsel stemmed from her feelings as a mother herself more so than her role as the center's director.I followed her advice and regretted it. <h2 id="5181fc8b-66f9-4ea6-937e-a93ac1285983">I mixed paid and unpaid leave</h2>I had better-than-average vacation and disability policies where I worked, so I could take more than six weeks off after my baby arrived. The friends I knew who were already mothers advised me to take longer than the six or 12 weeks they had taken.So, I arranged to take as much leave as I could. I combined my disability, short-term sick pay, and accrued vacation time, some of which would run concurrently with my FMLA leave, for about four months of paid leave. Then, I negotiated that I'd return to work after an additional two months off unpaid while paying out-of-pocket for my family's healthcare coverage through COBRA.It was a lot to organize and set up, but I wanted to take as much leave as I could.<h2 id="92895a7e-9cc2-4d6f-a074-86b17b25c22c">I was lonely</h2>The first few months after my son was born were a blur. I had many breastfeeding issues and struggled to overcome them while my body recovered from giving birth. The lack of sleep was challenging and stressful, too, as most new parents know. I was in awe of mothers who could — or had to — go back to work at six weeks.As I entered the third month of leave, my baby started to gain weight, and I gained confidence in my ability to feed him. Yet my days were long and lonely. My husband had gone back to work after the first week, and I didn't have any family nearby since we had just moved to the area a few years earlier. Most of my friends were coworkers that I no longer saw daily.I ventured out into my community, joining playgroups and taking infant classes. But some were expensive. Or they lasted only an hour or two each week, which was not enough time for me to develop true friendships with other caregivers.I felt guilty that I had a lengthy leave that so many other parents would have coveted. I thought I should be fueled by love and appreciation for this time with my baby. But while I felt intense love for my child, most days, I was lonely and exhausted by new motherhood.<h2 id="015fa2b1-ccdb-4ac6-b1f0-8730c54c5486">I stressed about our finances</h2>The last couple of months of my leave presented financial stress on top of my feelings of isolation. Now, I had no income and was paying a substantial amount out of pocket to ensure my family's benefits continued until I went back to work.As I navigated that first day back, which turned into the first week and then the first month, I was struck by how stimulated and happy I felt. My loneliness melted away as I was not only surrounded by co-workers but also supported in parenting by the teachers and other parents I started developing relationships with at the daycare center.When I had my second child three years later, I did not take all the time that I could. I took four months, which was just right for me. I had a couple of months to physically recover and adjust to life with a newborn, plus a couple more months to bond with my baby. This time I surrounded myself with the mom friends I'd made in the last three years and I was more confident in my parenting abilities.My mental health was better during a four-month leave versus six. I think it was the best amount of leave, as opposed to the most amount of leave, for me and my family.

I took 6 months of leave after the birth of my first child. It was too long for me.

<ul class="summary-list"><li>In a recent interview, <keyword id="19952202" type="General" weightage="100" keywordseo="Mark-Zuckerberg" source="keywords">Mark Zuckerberg</keyword> said his 7-year-old daughter aspired to be like <keyword id="19897184" type="General" weightage="20" keywordseo="Taylor-Swift" source="keywords">Taylor Swift</keyword>.</li><li>He told her that wasn't "available" to her, encouraging her to be herself.</li></ul>Between her <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/taylor-swift-solo-written-songs-2023-7">vulnerable songs</a> and stadium shows that somehow still feel intimate, <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/taylor-swift-travis-kelce-love-story-romance-novels-rom-coms-2024-2">Taylor Swift has captured the hearts</a> of so many around the world — not least young girls. That includes Mark Zuckerberg's 7-year-old daughter, <a target="_blank" href="https://people.com/parents/all-about-mark-zuckerberg-and-priscilla-chan-children/">August Chan Zuckerberg</a>. In a recent interview for the podcast "Acquired," Zuckerberg recounted taking August to a Taylor Swift concert. She told him she wanted to be like Swift when she grew up. But he wanted her to rethink her dreams. "I was like, 'But you can't. That's not available to you,'" Zuckerberg told hosts Ben Gilbert and David Rosenthal. "And she thought about it and she's like, 'Alright when I grow up I want people to want to be like August Chan Zuckerberg, and I was like, 'Hell yeah. Hell yeah.'" <a href="https://www.anniewright.com/" target="_blank">Annie Wright</a>, a therapist in California, has worked with affluent parents who, like Zuckerberg, "grapple with how to give their children opportunities without inflating their sense of entitlement," she told Business Insider. "His advice to his daughter to aspire to be herself, not Taylor Swift or some other icon, I do think it's an important reminder for all parents," Wright said. <h2>More kids want to be celebrities and influencers</h2>Among her clients, Wright said that parents struggle with Gen Zers (ages 12-27) and Gen Alphas (1-11) increasingly <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/gen-z-influencer-marketing-career-goal-ai-social-media-instagram-2024-4">wanting to be influencers</a>. She advises parents to "help their kids develop a strong sense of self-worth and individuality" rather than encourage them to chase popularity. "Parents who model authenticity in their own lives really send a powerful message by demonstrating that self-worth comes from being genuine and true to one's values," she said. Zuckerberg's lesson to his daughter is that it's more exciting to be herself than to imitate a celebrity. <h2>Growing up with wealth can add extra pressure</h2>Wright acknowledged that <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/facebook-mark-zuckerberg-net-worth-priscilla-chan">Zuckerberg, a billionaire, represents the far end of the wealth spectrum</a>. But in any family where kids have material advantages, she said they can "feel immense pressure to succeed, especially if they come from high-achieving families." They might feel compelled to do something just as big in their lives, like being famous. "Success can become the primary measure of their self-worth, which makes failure harder to cope with," she said. "They feel the weight of living under their parents' success or their family legacy, which can lead to a lot of feelings of inadequacy." Wright said it's good for parents to de-emphasize goals like fame by having open conversations about the downsides, such as the pressures to conform or the lack of privacy. <h2>To help your child shoot for the stars, build confidence in small ways</h2>Zuckerberg's recent interview isn't the first time he's hinted at his efforts to raise unspoiled kids. In a previous interview with CBS's Gayle King, Zuckerberg said <a target="_blank" href="https://www.cnbc.com/2019/12/04/mark-zuckerberg-on-raising-kids-that-are-not-spoiled.html">he gives his kids chores</a> such as loading the dishwasher. Wright said assigning chores is one of the best ways to teach kids important life skills, especially if they grow up in wealthy households. "Chores create an understanding that rewards come from effort, not entitlement," she said, adding that kids who are encouraged to challenge themselves "are more successful and emotionally balanced in adulthood." It's an especially important lesson for success. "Delayed gratification is a part of life for most things, and it sets them up for more reasonable expectations versus consistent disappointment," Wright said. Learning to stick to the task at hand — even when they don't want to — helps kids stay grounded and determined, no matter who they want to be when they grow up. Correction: September 25, 2024 — An earlier version of this story misstated the location of therapist Annie Wright. She practices in California, not Maine.

Mark Zuckerberg told his daughter she can't be Taylor Swift. A therapist said it's a great lesson for parents. 

<ul class="summary-list"><li>Vice President Kamala Harris released new economic proposals ahead of a North Carolina campaign speech.</li><li>They include a $6,000 credit for new parents in their child's first year.</li></ul>Vice President Kamala Harris has a new plan to <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/biden-budget-proposal-child-tax-credit-social-security-taxing-rich-2024-3">cut taxes</a> for parents and working families.Ahead of Harris' speech in North Carolina on Friday, her campaign released new details of her <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/what-us-economy-would-look-like-with-trump-biden-presidency-2024-5">economic policy platform</a> going into the election. They range from lowering housing and renting costs, helping states <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/student-loan-borrower-chooses-between-paying-debt-health-insurance-2022-6">cancel medical debt</a>, and implementing a <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/grocery-costs-inflation-kamala-harris-ban-price-gouging-election-trump-2024-8">federal ban on price gouging</a> — along with new proposals to cut taxes for Americans.The proposals include not just restoring the previously <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/enhanced-child-tax-credit-parents-passes-house-business-tax-relief-2024-1">enhanced Child Tax Credit</a> — which was hiked to <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/child-poverty-rate-america-congress-cut-biden-expanded-tax-credit-2023-9">$3,600 per child</a> under the American Rescue Plan — but instituting a new credit for young families. Per Harris-Walz campaign officials, Harris' proposal includes a $6,000 credit for middle and lower-income families with children in their first year of life; a fact sheet notes that this period might prove costly for families who have to forfeit pay to take time off to care for newborns. As a campaign official noted, Harris has also expressed support for paid leave in <a target="_blank" href="https://www.whitehouse.gov/briefing-room/speeches-remarks/2024/07/30/remarks-by-vice-president-harris-at-a-campaign-event-atlanta-ga/">campaign remarks</a>. The US is currently the <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/biden-build-back-better-paid-leave-american-families-spending-framework-2021-10">sole country</a> in the Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development with no paid leave.Harris and her VP pick Tim Walz "fulfill their commitment to fiscal responsibility, including by asking the wealthiest Americans and largest corporations to pay their fair share—steps that will allow us to make necessary investments in the middle class, while also reducing the deficit and strengthening our fiscal health," the fact sheet said.The campaign is also proposing a slew of tax cuts for working-class Americans. One measure would enhance the <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/childless-adults-earned-income-tax-credit-eitc-eligible-arp-2022-1">Earned Income Tax Credit</a> for childfree adults, which the campaign says could cut their taxes by up to $1,500. And another proposal says it would shave $700 off health insurance premiums for Americans using the Affordable Care Act Marketplace.The proposals come as the Harris-Walz campaign signals its economic priorities in the lead-up to the newly reinvigorated race. Other policy frameworks include a plan to <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/grocery-costs-inflation-kamala-harris-ban-price-gouging-election-trump-2024-8?d">combat price-gouging on groceries</a> and $25,000 in <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/kamala-harris-economy-proposal-25k-first-time-homebuyers-down-payent-2024-8">down payment support for first-time home buyers</a>.These tax proposals would require congressional approval, setting the stage for a tax fight with Republican lawmakers should Harris win the presidential election. President Joe Biden has also called for a restoration of the child tax credit, but it has stalled in Congress following GOP opposition to related legislation.Harris and former President Donald Trump are set to debate in September, and they'll likely bash over economic issues — in recent media appearances and on social media, Trump has blamed Harris for causing inflation and said she "copied" his call to eliminate taxes on tips. It's likely that Harris will continue to build on Biden's key economic policies, and her latest proposals show she'll champion issues aimed at lowering costs for Americans.Would an enhanced child tax credit substantially change your finances? Contact these reporters at <a target="_blank" href="mailto:asheffey@businessinsider.com">asheffey@businessinsider.com</a> and <a target="_blank" href="mailto:jkaplan@businessinsider.com">jkaplan@businessinsider.com</a>.

New parents could get $6,000 for the first year of their child's life and a restored child tax credit in Kamala Harris' new economic plan

Adequately spaced pregnancies can significantly improve maternal and <keyword id="22472928" type="General" weightage="20" keywordseo="child-health-outcomes" source="keywords">child health outcomes</keyword>, Union Minister Anupriya Patel said on Friday, underlining that this also reduces risks and empowers women to make informed choices about their <keyword id="20548742" type="General" weightage="20" keywordseo="reproductive-health" source="keywords">reproductive health</keyword>. "The government's efforts have resulted in reduction of <keyword id="20741690" type="General" weightage="20" keywordseo="maternal-mortality" source="keywords">maternal mortality</keyword> from over 130 to 97 per one lakh births," the minister of state for health said and also highlighted the efforts taken by states to involve men in <keyword id="19943279" type="General" weightage="20" keywordseo="family-planning" source="keywords">family planning</keyword>. Patel held a meeting with public health experts as part of a series of programmes to observe the World Population Day. The theme of the meeting was "Reaching the Last Mile for Ensuring Healthy Timing and Spacing between Pregnancies: Issues and Challenges." The minister said the government has always been conscious of these issues. "The launch of initiatives such as the <keyword id="22472929" type="General" weightage="20" keywordseo="Pradhan-Mantri-Surakshit-Matritva-Abhiyan" source="keywords">Pradhan Mantri Surakshit Matritva Abhiyan</keyword> (PMSMA), extended PMSMA, identification of high-risk pregnancy in PMSMA, Anemia Mukt Bharat Abhiyan and the Post-Partum Family Planning Programme (Post-Partum IUCD and Post Abortion IUCD) are some examples of the government's commitment to the cause," she said. Patel also underscored the importance of an effective communication strategy. "The task of achieving Viksit Bharat (developed India) by 2047 cannot be done without empowering our women. Healthy timing and spacing between pregnancies are very important for women's health," she said. Additional Secretary and Mission Director NHM at the health ministry, Aradhana Patnaik, highlighted that India has already achieved a total fertility rate (TFR) of two with 31 states and Union territories achieving the replacement level. There is a need for an effective strategy to bring the TFR under replacement level in the remaining five states, the minister said. Patel said that "we would be able to reach the last mile" by empowering the youth, addressing challenges of equal participation of men and women, increasing couple communication, learning from best practices, taking cues from current and historical trends in family planning data and expanding the contraceptive basket of choices. She also stressed on identifying and mapping regions, districts, and blocks with data of issues such as low uptake of <keyword id="22472930" type="General" weightage="20" keywordseo="family-planning-services" source="keywords">family planning services</keyword>, low demand for modern contraceptives and high unmet needs, and saturating them with services and enhanced social and behaviour change communication.

Healthy timing, spacing between pregnancies crucial for women's health: MoS Patel

<ul class="summary-list"><li>Child-focused parenting is when parents center activities and schedules around kids.</li><li>Like gentle parenting, it can lead to burnout and worse-behaved kids.</li></ul>When Michaeleen Doucleff became a parent, she read books on how to ensure her child's happiness. She wanted to be a good mom, to not deprive her daughter of something important.That process really kicked into gear <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/mom-thought-having-a-toddler-would-be-easier-2023-1">as she got older</a>, when her daughter started developing interests and friendships. As her world opened up, so too did Doucleff's options for parenting. Until her daughter was five, Doucleff dutifully carted her child to activities around San Francisco. A birthday party, a play area, a kid's museum. Weekends were exhausting — packed with kids-only events — but that's the deal, right?This is known as child-focused parenting, a style devised in the 90s that has become the norm in the last decade. The idea is that kids' education and enrichment take top priority.You may have heard of <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/gentle-parenting-bust-millennial-parents-helicopter-kids-misbehave-permissive-authoritative-2024-6">gentle parenting</a>, which teaches parents to communicate calmly with their screaming toddlers. Child-focused parenting takes it a step further, ensuring the child's entire world is engaging, whether on an educational excursion or structured play session."Every moment is scheduled with a child-centric activity," Doucleff, who was inspired to write "<a target="_blank" href="https://affiliate.insider.com?amazonTrackingID=bi-auto-72091-20&amp;h=559b47f573d282d123d9ba0462b3f2a56101f7fc284ea2c76330f17500660003&amp;postID=668c591f7d643e28300a6b0e&amp;postSlug=child-focused-parenting-bad-for-kids-parents-2024-7&amp;site=bi&amp;u=https%3A%2F%2Fbookshop.org%2Fp%2Fbooks%2Fhunt-gather-parent-what-ancient-cultures-can-teach-us-about-the-lost-art-of-raising-happy-helpful-little-humans-michaeleen-doucleff%2F16059901%3Fgad_source%3D1%26gclid%3DCjwKCAjwnK60BhA9EiwAmpHZw8aU9VZFTC5S1yNfit5gUVwciTIbpEWSxA2vEslfvYfJDI_U-qpAGBoCtwkQAvD_BwE">Hunt, Gather, Parent</a>" as an antidote to child-focused parenting, told Business Insider. "Your life is focused around these things that are just for the child and not for you or collectively as the family at all."Doucleff's views on her parenting style started to shift when she spoke to Suzanne Gaskins, a professor of psychology at Northeastern Illinois University who <a target="_blank" href="https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2015-16948-012">researches childhood practices around the world</a>. "She told me that these child-centered activities are in a way depriving kids of what they actually need: the adult world," Doucleff said.Gaskins isn't the only psychology professional against child-focused parenting. In a resurfaced podcast clip, famed psychology researcher<a target="_blank" href="https://www.instagram.com/reel/C8AjueNJvGT/"> Brené Brown told Tim Ferriss</a> that her family is a "family-focused family," where "the family agrees about what will keep a family healthy."Now, parents like Doucleff are shunning pressures to make their children the most important family members at all times. They're learning how to get their kids to adapt to their lives, feeling less burned out — and with less anxious kids.<h2 id="dac97b3f-f11a-4798-a084-e74088a52037">The history of child-focused parenting</h2>Kid-focused parenting is "very new," according to Doucleff. "Even European-American middle-class parenting was very different 50 to 100 years ago," she said.<a target="_blank" href="https://www.history.com/news/life-for-the-average-family-during-the-great-depression">Children growing up during the Great Depression</a> found entertainment through family board game nights and radio programs: going to a movie theater was a luxury for many. In the 1950s, <a target="_blank" href="https://www.romper.com/p/12-things-parents-did-in-the-50s-that-millennial-parents-should-bring-back-3218481">parents prioritized their marriage</a> and encouraged kids to play outside. Gen Xers, born between 1965 and 1980, <a target="_blank" href="https://daily.jstor.org/latchkey-generation-bad/">grew up as latchkey kids</a>, left to their own devices while their parents worked.That started to shift in the '80s and '90s. "Intensive mothering," <a target="_blank" href="https://www.jstor.org/stable/j.ctt1rrd8rb">a term coined by Sharon Hays in 1996</a>, describes a major change in mainstream American parenting. According to Caitlyn Collins, associate professor of sociology at Washington University in St. Louis, intensive mothering "is incredibly time-intensive, expensive, emotionally heavy, and prioritizes the child's well-being above all else, typically subsuming the mother's needs underneath the child's needs."It's hard to know exactly what caused the <a target="_blank" href="https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2019/01/intensive-helicopter-parenting-inequality/580528/">rise in intensive parenting</a>. One theory is that <a target="_blank" href="https://www.nber.org/papers/w15284">college admissions became more competitive in the mid-90s</a>, creating a culture centered on children's individual success. Suddenly, parents' and kids' lives revolved around education and extracurriculars to maximize their chances of Ivy admission. Great parents prioritized interactive educational experiences for their five-year-olds on weekends and proper socialization via birthday parties."We tie a lot of morality to these ideals about parenting — who is a 'good parent,' a 'worthy parent,' is deeply wrapped up in how we see ourselves and our value," Collins said. The pressure has only gotten worse for mothers who compare themselves to wealthy "<a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/unfollowed-momfluencers-bad-parenting-2024-3">momfluencers</a>," feeling a strong need to keep up with Disney trips and<a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/guides/kitchen/creative-lunch-box-products"> aesthetic bento boxes</a>, she added.<div type="image" title="A disappointed child at a birthday party" height="1414" width="2121" msid="112228852" hostid="261" sizebytes="111708"></div><h2 id="150983f8-8cc2-4292-8755-c79208ee37ba">Children grow up less resilient and more anxious</h2>Being dragged from playdate to playdate can sound like a parent is doing the most for their kid. But, often, these<a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/mom-brings-back-nineties-summers-no-technology-structure-2024-7"> highly structured</a> activities are just overwhelming, Doucleff said. She remembered her daughter being around screaming kids for hours at museum activities."At the end of it, she's screaming because it is so overstimulating and she's tired," Doucleff said. "I had a child that often was worse behaved.""If you really want your kid to be a responsible, good, and capable human, it's all about role modeling," Dr. Jenny Woo, the founder and CEO of<a target="_blank" href="http://mindbrainemotion.com/"> Mind Brain Emotion</a> and creator of<a target="_blank" href="https://affiliate.insider.com?amazonTrackingID=bi-auto-72091-20&amp;h=c51edc62b43a190922409136cee0057b9685b86fff2b1201b0b801dbc308670f&amp;postID=668c591f7d643e28300a6b0e&amp;postSlug=child-focused-parenting-bad-for-kids-parents-2024-7&amp;site=bi&amp;u=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.amazon.com%2FESSENTIAL-LIFE-SKILLS-GAME-CHORES%2Fdp%2FB0BVTK9NLH"> 52 Essential Life Skills</a>, told BI. Ironically, child-focused parenting teaches kids that it's normal to forego your identity and boundaries.Instead of being prepared for adult life, "the child's world is completely separated from the adult world," Doucleff said. It does kids a huge disservice, as they miss out on learning important life skills. Now, she brings her daughter along on errands or <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/unsupervised-play-outdoors-kids-neighborhood-benefits-2024-5">takes her to the park</a> to play with other kids, where she can be more autonomous.Doucleff was inspired to make these changes after traveling to the Arctic, where she observed children helping their families hunt whales or prepare dinner. She said having a sense of purpose made children more emotionally mature."I remember flying back into America and seeing kids at the same age screaming in the airport because they didn't want to share their potato chips," Doucleff said. "This is unheard of in many cultures, for a child of that age to have very little emotional regulation."Woo, who teaches at UC Irvine, said she's witnessed the lasting effects of child-focused parenting. Some students have a "lack of resourcefulness, not knowing where to go, how to do something, who to turn to and feeling very paralyzed," causing them anxiety.Tellingly, she said these same students' parents often pay for laundry services and other assistance to make college a smoother experience for their (now adult) children.<h2 id="f93408f6-7305-4e04-949f-f04c6a18b264">Parents are starting to ditch parenting styles that leave them depleted</h2><a target="_blank" href="https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2023/01/24/parenting-in-america-today/">Most US parents find parenting harder than expected</a>, according to a 2023 Pew Research poll of over 3,700 participants. Some are questioning whether their expectations around child-rearing are more to blame for their stress than the demands of parenting. Collins said that "encouragingly, more women are recognizing that this burden really shouldn't be theirs alone, and pushing back against these cultural ideals."They're <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/millennial-parent-who-ditched-gentle-parenting-it-doesnt-work-2024-6">ditching parenting styles</a> that leave them depleted. "Personally, it was way more work for me to cart my child to all these things," Doucleff said.It's not always smooth sailing; Doucleff said you have to adjust some chores so that kids can join you and put up with the occasional tantrum. "The parent has to be a little uncomfortable sometimes, but in the end, it becomes this really beautiful, easier parenting method," she said. Woo suggested letting kids slowly take on more responsibility when you're out together, such as ordering their own food.Some parents have been making <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/mother-daughter-birthday-party-debate-2024-2">adjustments to events like birthday parties</a>, focusing more on intimate family time rather than a 30-kid backyard bash. They <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/took-little-kids-camping-maine-summer-fun-outdoors-huttopia-2024-6">take their kids camping</a> or<a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/how-to-keep-kids-entertained-during-summer-break-2024-6"> make crafts with them</a> to make time together more meaningful.The real world is richer than the bubbles kids are kept in, Doucleff said. Her daughter bonded with her and grew so much once she started joining her mom on international work trips.It led to her daughter, now nine, starting a dog-walking business on her own this year. "To me, that's a way more important experience than going to Disney World," Doucleff said.

Child-focused parenting is exhausting. Some parents are finally ditching it.

Every year, nearly 6,500 <keyword id="20068743" type="General" weightage="100" keywordseo="adolescent-girls" source="keywords">adolescent girls</keyword> in <keyword id="19897710" type="General" weightage="20" keywordseo="South-Asia" source="keywords">South Asia</keyword> die giving birth. Most of them are minors <keyword id="19895006" type="General" weightage="20" keywordseo="WHO" source="keywords" meta.keywordsubtype="org" meta.entityname="WHO" meta.hostid="261" meta.entityid="WHO">who</keyword> have limited power over their reproductive health or lives, according to a joint analysis done by <keyword id="20018080" type="General" weightage="20" keywordseo="UNICEF" source="keywords" meta.keywordsubtype="org" meta.entityname="UNICEF" meta.hostid="261" meta.entityid="UNICEF">UNICEF</keyword>, WHO and <keyword id="20802066" type="General" weightage="20" keywordseo="UNFPA" source="keywords" meta.keywordsubtype="org" meta.entityname="UNFPA" meta.hostid="261" meta.entityid="UNFPA">UNFPA</keyword>. South Asia accounts for 290 million <keyword id="22387193" type="General" weightage="20" keywordseo="child-brides" source="keywords">child brides</keyword> - nearly half of the world's burden. In three countries in South Asia, they are also four times more likely to be out of school than their unmarried peers, as per the analysis done by United Nations International Children's Emergency Fund (UNICEF), <keyword id="19902256" type="General" weightage="20" keywordseo="world-health-organisation" source="keywords">World Health Organisation</keyword> (WHO) and United Nations Fund for Population Activities (UNFPA). At the two-day regional dialogue on adolescent pregnancy in South Asia, which concluded on Friday, the <keyword id="20679678" type="General" weightage="20" keywordseo="SAARC" source="keywords" meta.keywordsubtype="org" meta.entityname="SAARC" meta.hostid="261" meta.entityid="SAARC">SAARC</keyword> countries, UNICEF South Asia, UNFPA and WHO called for increased commitment to critical services for over 2.2 million adolescent girls that give birth yearly in South Asia, a joint press release issued by the agencies said. "I appreciate the role of governments, UN agencies, NGOs and civil society for the improvements made by the SAARC region over the years in reducing <keyword id="22387194" type="General" weightage="20" keywordseo="teenage-pregnancy" source="keywords">teenage pregnancy</keyword>," said Ambassador Golam Sarwar, the Secretary General of SAARC. "But the region still has a long way to go. I call upon everyone to resolutely address the root causes including child marriage, access to adolescent health education, and removing social stigma in managing the teenage population of the SAARC region," he said. Every year, nearly 6,500 adolescent girls die in childbirth in South Asia, according to the analysis by UNICEF, WHO and UNFPA. Most of them are child brides who have limited or negligible power and autonomy over their reproductive health or lives. When young girls give birth, their lives can be at risk as they are not yet physically ready to give birth. Thousands more girls are forced to drop out of school, face stigma, rejection, violence, unemployment as well as lifelong social challenges. Forty-nine per cent of young girls in South Asia are not in education, employment or training - the highest in the world, the press release said. "We must do better for adolescent girls, particularly those who are married, pregnant or parents. In addition to hurdles to learn, get good healthcare and eat nutritious food, they are denied the opportunity to build skills and start businesses -- everything they need as parents to thrive and fulfil their potential," said Sanjay Wijesekera, UNICEF Regional Director for South Asia. "We must work together and invest in opportunities to unleash the promise of more than 170 million adolescent girls in South Asia. Doing so would be transformative for this region," he said. Government and UN officials, adolescent girls, as well as civil society representatives from Afghanistan, Bangladesh, Bhutan, India, Maldives, Nepal, Pakistan and Sri Lanka have participated in the dialogue and reaffirmed their commitment to providing better services to support pregnant adolescent girls and young mothers. This includes opportunities to learn, set up their businesses, and earn a living. The event held in Kathmandu over July 11-12 was jointly organised by SAARC, WHO, UNICEF, and UNFPA and was inaugurated by the Secretary General of SAARC, Ambassador Golam Sarwar. Adolescent mothers have a much higher risk of dying from maternal causes, compared to women in their 20s and 30s. "It is high time that we reverse this trend. The unique physical, cognitive, social, emotional, and sexual development during adolescence necessitates special attention in national and international policies. Effective strategies to tackle adolescent pregnancy require cross-sectoral collaboration and equitable access to a variety of services," said Saima Wazed, Regional Director, WHO South-East Asia.

Over 6,500 adolescent girls die giving birth every year across South Asia, says a recent study

<ul class="summary-list"><li>Scott Kollins is a clinical psychologist who studies families and kids.</li><li>His son became addicted to screens a few years ago.</li></ul>This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Scott Kollins, chief medical officer at <a target="_blank" href="https://www.aura.com/leadership">Aura</a>. It has been edited for length and clarity.At first, remote learning during the beginning of the pandemic was a great fit for my son, who <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/took-decades-accept-sons-autism-diagnosis-2024-5">has autism</a> and ADHD. His middle school teacher even remarked on how well he was doing. Being in a traditional classroom had always been overwhelming, but being remote allowed him to engage with the class more easily.Soon, my then-11-year-old figured out he could open other tabs on his computer during class time, watching whatever videos he wanted. I noticed his world turning inward. <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/cell-phone-for-kids-youtube-parenting-regret-2023-11">Watching YouTube</a> became a source of entertainment and escape, but it took a toll on his health. He was having pretty serious depression and anxiety.I am a <a target="_blank" href="https://psychiatry.duke.edu/profile/scott-haden-kollins">clinical psychologist</a> at Duke University School of Medicine, where I research mental health topics related to children. I had heard about screen addiction and the medical debate over whether it exists. When I saw my son experience withdrawals and lying to get more screen time, I realized tech really could be addictive. I believed my son had a screen addiction (although he's never been officially diagnosed by a different provider).Yet even with my professional background, I couldn't get my son the help he needed right away. I thought, if I can't solve this problem with all the resources and professional knowledge I have, how can other parents?Luckily, after three years, we've made a lot of progress with my son, who is now 14. I'm also <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/technology-and-raising-kids-2018-6">creating healthy tech boundaries</a> for my daughter, who is 12. Here's what my family has done.<h2 id="c877d9b0-aac8-4969-ae6a-e0fccf4701be">We lock up screens at night</h2>When my son's screen addiction was at its worst, he would sneak screen time when he was supposed to be sleeping. He was staying up late into the night, and I knew the lack of sleep was probably contributing to his mental health challenges.So my wife and I bought a lock box and put everyone's computers, phones, and tablets in at night. This may sound extreme, but I truly felt that my son was struggling with addiction, and we needed to support him by <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/broke-parenting-rules-allowed-unlimited-screen-time-2024-2">restricting his access to screens</a>. Implementing it was very tough. My son would cry, get angry, and even lie to try to get additional screen time.<h2 id="77e745ae-3da7-434e-b239-1197429ec860">We minimized the use of screens for schoolwork</h2>At first, we wanted my son to have as <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/single-mom-struggle-managing-kids-screen-time-2023-11">little screen time</a> as possible. We spoke with his teachers and coordinated with them so that he was doing as many assignments as possible with paper and pencil. When he did digital tasks, his parents or teachers were watching closely.<h2 id="c7c57952-2c93-4b35-814c-7513a1400d41">We model phone-free time</h2>We've created a family media plan, which includes how much screen time the kids can have — one hour on weekdays, two hours on weekends and vacations — and designated screen-free zones. Everyone in the house gave input on what we should include in our plan.We didn't want to label screen time as entirely good or bad. Instead, we focus on fostering healthy and responsible usage habits, including making sure everyone prioritizes chores, family time, exercise, and in-person socialization ahead of screens. We also model the behavior we want to see. When my wife and I finish work, we put our phones down and focus on being present for family time. Dinner is always a screen-free zone.<h2 id="fa8f9431-ccb8-46c4-a608-923dc739769d">We meet our son where he is and create individualized plans for each child</h2>My son has autism, and his symptoms personally mean he's not one for deep or lengthy conversations. We acknowledge that and allow him to read a book or do other screen-free activities during dinner, rather than expecting him to talk with us.My daughter is younger, but she has a phone, while my son does not. That's very intentional. She has shown she can be responsible and <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/gave-kids-cellpohones-early-after-my-divorce-2024-9">trusted with the phone</a>. For a long time, my son hadn't shown he could be responsible with a laptop, let alone a phone.The first few months of limiting his screen time was very difficult, with lots of emotional outbursts. But after a while, we started to make progress, and he accepted the limits. Two years later, we're just starting to consider letting my son get a phone because he has been doing so well following our family media plan.<h2 id="dd2ec472-8091-4f80-91ef-5f5a2fdb3c78">We use monitoring software and communicate about our approach</h2>In addition to talking with the kids, we use a <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/monitor-teen-cellphone-safety-parenting-experts-2024-8">phone monitoring system</a>, which has made me more comfortable considering a phone for my son.When I told the kids I'd be monitoring them, their eyes got big. But I explained I'm not trying to see every detail — I'd just use the program to tell me if they were doing something that might be harmful, like if they're viewing adult content or spending too much time online. Kids need and want privacy and autonomy, but they also need to know someone has their back as they learn the new skill of managing their digital lives.Our approach to technology is fluid and ongoing. Like any relationship, it requires lots of communication. We talk regularly about tech consumption. I ask my daughter what she's watching, and her thoughts on social media. She's not always the most forthcoming, but if I'm persistent but nonjudgmental, she usually opens up.<h2 id="560e6062-1382-4983-93a8-b5394a0cac1c">We've made a lot of progress, and we acknowledge that tech is here to stay</h2>Though we're doing what we can to help our kids develop a healthy relationship with tech, my wife and I know they'll always be exposed to the digital world. We can't shield them from technology, but it's our obligation as parents to do what we can to <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/track-kids-locations-smartphone-pros-cons-2024-2">keep them safe</a>.And I'm happy with our tech use as a family now. This summer, my daughter accidentally left her computer unlocked overnight, and my son didn't even try to use it. That's progress.I recognize that, eventually, my son will need more unrestricted access to screens so that he's prepared as an adult. I'm taking a harm reduction approach, trying to limit the negative impact of tech while acknowledging that he can't avoid it completely.

I'm a child psychologist and my son was addicted to screens. I locked up computers at night and made a 'family media plan.'

<ul class="summary-list"><li>My husband and I wanted to raise our daughter differently than how we were raised. </li><li>I followed gentle parenting influencers when she was little and having regular meltdowns. </li></ul>I was raised with a <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/parenting-style-break-generational-curses-raise-child-parents-2023-8">style of parenting</a> that leaned more toward authoritarian. My husband's upbringing was strict and punishment-heavy. He has distinct memories of hearing "Stop crying, or I'll give you something to cry about" frequently.From personal experience, fear-based, punitive parenting does not lead to healthy adults who can manage their emotions well. That's why respectful and empathic <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/is-gentle-parenting-making-me-a-pushover-2024-7">gentle parenting</a> that acknowledged a child's feelings had a real appeal to me.<h2 id="cc84f35a-1f75-4caf-88a9-0946f835235a">I looked into gentle parenting</h2>Early in my daughter's life, I started following gentle parenting influencers. This included <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/big-little-feelings-parenting-technique-isnt-realistic-for-me-2022-3">Big Little Feelings</a>, which debuted on Instagram just as we were entering the difficult toddler years. Although I had years of experience working with children, my daughter's meltdowns felt overwhelming and unmanageable. I didn't like the concept of time-outs, and I also didn't like how frustrated her explosive reactions made me feel.I purchased <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/tips-how-prevent-toddler-tantrums-big-little-feelings-experts-2024-4">Big Little Feeling's</a> "Winning the Toddler Stage" course in the hopes of discovering the magic words to say to tame my daughter's tantrums, as they said. I hoped learning the scripts they provided would transform my daughter into a more cooperative toddler and me into a calmer, more patient mom. But even though I watched all the videos and tried to implement their advice, most of it didn't seem to work with my daughter. And OKing her feelings started to feel ridiculous after a while.The next big influencer whose advice I tried to follow was <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/dr-becky-why-parents-yell-repair-attachment-theory-2023-9">Dr. Becky</a>. I waited months for her book to be available from the library. The waitlist was so long I ended up with the audiobook. I spent hours listening to techniques that I tried to implement (unsuccessfully) with my daughter, some of which seemed to make her more upset. I couldn't figure out what I was doing wrong.Until the end of the book, when <a target="_blank" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/dr-becky-kennedys-tips-for-dealing-with-kids-feelings-2022-9">Dr. Becky</a> admitted that the behavioral techniques she discussed in the book weren't effective with neurodivergent children. Eight hours wasted (and many bops from a dysregulated, angry child) on a book that wasn't even written for her. I was pissed.<h2 id="677b9bb2-e168-4f2e-bfac-ef59c956026c">I thought I was the problem</h2>After several years of trying to gentle parent in the style of influencers like Big Little Feelings and Dr. Becky, I had started to believe that the problem was me. If I couldn't make their expert advice work, then obviously I was just a bad mom. Eventually, I discovered that the disconnect was that my daughter is autistic. As a result, advice developed for neurotypical children was usually not a good fit for her.The frustrating thing is that these influencers seem to be selling one-size-fits-all behavioral techniques when there is no such thing, especially with neurodivergent children. Even with neurotypical children, there is no one-size-fits-all way to deal with difficult behaviors. The rigidity of that seems to harken back to the strict way of parenting my husband and I grew up with that refuses to acknowledge that every child is an individual.I've changed how I parent her. Since my daughter thrives on consistency and is very focused on schedules and time, we try to keep things as structured as possible for her, which recently has meant implementing a visual schedule and timer. Although it's incredibly frustrating sometimes, she might not react in the same way to something that she did yesterday, and we have to be flexible as well.These days, I'm not sure what label I'd put on my parenting style, perhaps mostly authoritative, a parenting style that is more focused on being responsive and supportive while still setting boundaries. Sometimes it feels like we are throwing things against the wall and seeing what sticks.I am done with following gentle parenting experts and taking their advice on how to parent my child, though. The parenting choices I make are very much customized to my daughter's own specific needs and struggles. And how I parent is constantly evolving as my daughter grows and changes.

I'm a mom of a child with autism, and I'm done with gentle parenting 

<ul class="summary-list"><li>I watched my parents and stepparents divorce numerous times.</li><li>I carefully studied what went wrong, trying to prevent the same issues in my marriage.</li></ul>As a young child, I couldn't get enough of hearing my <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/divorce-share-custody-kids-parenting-plan-time-regret-decision-2024-1">parents' divorce</a> story. I thought I was just a curious kid for many years, but looking back, I realize I was digging for something specific — the why. Why did they get divorced? What went wrong? How does it come to that, and what are the first signs?I continued this process as each of <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/how-authoritative-parenting-style-changed-my-life-2024-7">my parents</a> married and divorced multiple times again, giving me even more data to study. There had to be a common theme. Was it miscommunication? Personality differences? Money?Along the way, I latched onto a very specific theme I heard them say in multiple explanations: "We never dealt with the small stuff." Of course as a young child, I thought that meant they didn't agree which cereal to buy. But as a <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/loved-dating-younger-women-more-in-common-2023-11">young woman</a>, I realized they meant that letting things build up — from small irritations to recurrent fights and incidents that could create resentment — was like poison for a relationship.So, I set out to get it right. And failed in the other direction.<h2 id="a7e650f8-013f-4c54-8c77-8e782468d35c">We put in the work early</h2>My husband Justin and I have been married for 12 years. We have five children and have built the life we dreamed of. In fact, we started out doing weekly <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/things-every-married-couple-should-do-accordingt-to-therapist-2021-6">premarital counseling</a> with our pastor.We were on a mission to have a different outcome from not only half of marriages that end in divorce but also all of my parents' and stepparents' marriages that did. We were ready to do the work.And it was, in fact, work. We dug through trauma and doubt, different views of marriage, and how to deal with the looming threat of divorce as an option during the "lows" that would inevitably come in <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/starting-business-with-partner-strengthened-relationship-2024-6">our relationship</a>.We vowed to air out difficult topics, including those nagging "small" topics that we never wanted to grow too big. We also vowed to go to <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/partner-asked-couples-therapy-thought-failing-brought-us-closer-2024-1">marriage therapy</a> monthly — as prevention — to ensure we always had a line of communication and a mediator available for when things might get dicey. It was a strong start.<h2 id="ebe29ff7-07c6-4b28-9ee4-f15c186e8906">I focused too much on the small things</h2>A few years into our marriage, a different dynamic developed. I was the one always bringing up issues to discuss, and <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/female-breadwinner-supports-husband-stays-home-2024-8">my husband</a> was the one always letting little things go.At first, we thought this was just our personalities — with me being analytical, <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/sc/how-trendsetters-are-transforming-data-driven-customer-experiences">data-driven</a>, and a little too obsessed with research. On the other hand, he's carefree, full of grace, and forgiving to a fault.Before long, it became a point of contention. "Why are you picking on this small thing?" he'd ask. "Because I care about <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/teammates-before-married-relationship-is-stronger-2024-8">our marriage</a> and don't want it to become a big thing!" I'd shoot back.Over the years, I gained a reputation for being hypercritical and even started to resent what I perceived as his lack of effort to troubleshoot and "solve" small things before they grew.<h2 id="dcecf3c1-2a91-4a52-809e-a30971d99748">My strategy backfired</h2>The only small problem that became big was my own attempt to prevent the pain divorce brought as a child. Now, one of the main gripes in my marriage was that I picked too many battles, ultimately creating more conflict as I tried to prevent it.I was like a detective trying to sleuth out which of our smaller issues would be the "the one" to bring us down. In the process, I was doing more damage than good.I had to unlearn preventing pain. I had to rethink my strategy before it became the very thing that broke us. What ultimately helped was to zoom out from my parents' experience — which didn't have to be my own — and look at what really causes divorce throughout the population. I learned quickly that the top <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/why-people-get-divorced-2019-1">causes of divorce</a> weren't a build-up of tiny offenses but infidelity, financial problems, violence, domestic abuse, and lack of family support. I also learned one of the main causes was "too much conflict and arguing" — something I'd introduced into our marriage while trying to save it before it was in trouble.In the end, I learned much more than just <a target="_blank" class="" href="https://www.businessinsider.com/married-couples-share-secrets-long-lasting-love-2024-2">marriage skills</a>. I couldn't prevent pain, separation, or all the things in life that keep us up at night. In fact, in preventing it, I almost caused it. The lasting legacy of divorce was alive and well in my marriage, as hard as I tried to push it out. Luckily, when my own spouse said "for better or worse," he meant even when I have to work through my divorce trauma to ultimately figure out we aren't actually broken at all.

You Searched For "child development" and got 12 results

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I'm a child psychologist and my son was addicted to screens. I locked up computers at night and made a 'family media plan.'

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Sara Rowe Mount

As a child of divorce, I did everything in my power to maintain a strong, healthy marriage. I accidentally sabotaged it.

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