A veteran shares what it's like to be the first openly transgender infantryman in the US army

In high school, King tried hard not to allow her feelings of confusion dominate her existence. She was an "average student" and managed to avoid "any really negative experiences."

Nevertheless, King's confidence was bruised by these early episodes.

At high school, Gay-Straight Alliance meetings (safe spaces for students to discuss issues relating to sexuality and gender), King sat at the back of the class for an entire year, "hoping that someone would describe what I was going through."

This never happened.

"Simply no one was talking about being transgender back then," King said, "I found myself feeling awkward in my skin."

At the end of high school, King felt lost, unsure of her own identity and uncertain about what to do with her adult life.

King decided to join the army immediately after graduation in the hope that doing so would somehow cure her from feeling like a woman.

"I decided I would join the army as an opportunity to maybe 'man up,'" King said. "I thought if I was in a hyper-masculine environment, it would actually help me to feel more at home in my body."

King added: "I thought that the army was an opportunity for me to go and explore and also explore who I was and, maybe, come into my own."

She quickly became engrossed in army life and enjoyed "doing great things" like "jump[ing] out of airplanes."

However, deep within her consciousness, remained the feeling that she was in the wrong body.

Over time, King began to love the army and found satisfaction in her patriotic service, irrespective of any personal problems.

"My initial reason for doing the service — though I love my country and always have done — was not patriotism, but it is certainly why I stayed," King said.

At some point during King's service, what it means to be transgender began to dawn on her. Living in the closet in the army throughout the '90s and 2000s was difficult. King felt unable to empathize with the misogynistic attitude of many soldiers at the time (a problem she says has now been dealt with).

"I excelled at my job, but I may have been a wallflower socially," King said. "I don't think that anybody would have thought I was transgender, but I felt like I stood out as someone who was a little bit different. Quieter, or kinder hearted."

Still living as a man, King married a woman and became the parent of sons. She continued to bury her identity partly because she was "afraid of losing loved ones," and partly because of the army's conservative rules.

However, at 34 years old, after 15 years of service, while living in Afghanistan, King reached a kind of breaking point: "I could no longer ignore who I was. I had to take a risk and live an authentic life and take a chance for true happiness."

King first came out to her parents, by letter. Nervously, she waited for what seemed like hours — but was actually only a few minutes — for a response.

Her parents replied: "We love you and we always will."

"I was received so warmly and in such a loving way by all the people who I cared about," King said. "It was such a weight off my shoulders to be relieved of a secret I carried very much on my own for decades."

At this point, King had already split from her partner, but coming out to her former wife from a different life was still very challenging.

For a while, King lived in Colorado raising her children as a single parent. However, King was recently moved to Washington by the army, so for now the children live with their other mum.

"I am a parent to amazing children that I absolutely adore," King said.

King is part-way through the transition process. She has undergone hormone replacement therapy for the last 15 months, as well more superficial changes like laser hair removal. Legally, her name is "Patricia" and she is recognised as a woman.

"There are other steps, surgeries and stuff, which I would like to do in the future," King said. Currently, the financial burden associated with some of the procedures is holding her back.

King is overwhelmingly positive about how the US army treated her after coming out as transgender. She said that by coming out after having built a long and respected career, her peers, subordinates and leaders met the news with "an outpouring of support."

She was told: "We know the quality of your work, we know that you're a professional soldier and we support you in being yourself."

The elephant in the room however is that while King has not faced much personal discrimination in the army, institutionally the military still fights and undermines her existence.

"I am anxious and I am excited for the day when the secretary of defence announces that 'Yes, of course you can serve openly.' As a soldier, I would like to believe in my chain of command, as they have believed in me," King said.

King expects to stay a soldier until retirement. "I love the army and I’ll stay as long as they’ll have me," she said.

However, when she retires from the army, she plans to work in LGBT youth outreach, to help support young people struggling with gender-related confusion.

King's message to young people facing similar problems?

"I want to let these people know that they have value. I want to stop that terrible waterfall and give them a chance at having a life like the life that I have. As a soldier, as a mom, as a Christian woman, I find myself wanting to reach out to these kids to let them know that they are loved, that they are cared for, and that they can have the amazing life they were meant to have."